one of my favourite moments is when i’m sitting on a toilet completely drunk and i just smile and nod at myself in silence

Anonymous asked:
In public Rapunzel is a sweet innocent thing. But once she is alone with Jack she reveals she is quite the nymphomaniac.


He didnt know until six months after dating.

Usually for him six months was the marker for finding out the girl has a thing for cats or that her family is crazy. Sometimes its when you walk into their place and find a box full of their exes stuff under their bed or the creepy collection of dolls on their shelves. Six months is the marker that would make or break a relationship, depending on the weirdness one was willing to endure for love.

Jack thought he had it made with Rapunzel.

She was the sweetest thing he had never met. His best friend had been trying to set him up with her for years but honestly he hated blind dates and had no trouble finding a date for himself. But he had been in a bit of a slump and agreed to meet her. It was like one of those movies where the beautiful girl walks into the restaurant in slow motion. 

Basically he was pretty much infatuated the moment she smiled at him. More than that everything had been perfect. She was a dessert chef at a up town shop and had the patience of an angel. Hell, just being around the blushing girl made him feel nervous just holding her hand! She was always sweet and polite, way too trusting and seemed to attract every sort of person with her happy-go-lucky personality. He fell into her spell and knew that he wanted to make sure this worked out.

The first time he got the hint was on the way up to his apartment…


Jack swallowed the moan the vibrated through her lips and onto his, smirking at the way the petite blonde arched into him. His hands went into her hair, tilting her head back to have more access to her mouth. Her small warm hands trailed down his chest and to the belt buckle of his pants. he faintly heard the tinkling of metal as she made quick work of the buckle. When it finally registered, Jack pulled back a bit.

"Here, Punz?" he asked huskily, turned on by her enthusiasm yet still a bit nervous about being caught. Her green eyes looked into his and she smiled before reaching out a hand and pressing the ‘STOP’ button on the elevator. The metal box came to a halt and Jack shook his head laughing,

"Pretty sure you’re going to get me evicted." he said ready to pressed the button again to keep moving. She couldn’t be serious, they just had sex for the first time two days ago. Yet she grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a hard kiss, smiling against his lips mischievously. Jack was no match for her kisses and instantly fell into it, his hands went to her thighs and lifted her up so that she sat precariously on the railing of the elevator. Her dress hiked up and her arms went around his neck. She tasted of honey and he couldnt get enough. 

His lips trailed from her mouth to her jaw but her hands went down to his pants, unbuttoning and pushing them down. Wow, she was anxious.

"Jack, please.." she said softly, her fingers teasing the skin just above his boxers. Jack chuckled,

"Punz, you kinda have to be ready to-"

She took his hand and placed it between her thighs. Jack’s eyes widened. She was dripping. Holy shit, she was ready, more than ready. Did this ‘almost getting caught’ thing really turn her on? He didn’t think much of it but took his blessings in stride as he pushed down his boxers and slid his cock into her, as quick as a magic trick.

Hooking her legs over his arms, he pounded into her; her cries of pleasure echoed off the walls of the confined space and any thoughts outside of what was happening vanished.


The second hint was much more blatant…


"Cant wait to get home!" Jack stretched in the drivers seat of the car, his button up just felt uncomfortable now after spending all night in it. Hiccup’s little business party was bad enough without having to dress up. "Your place or mine?" He asked with a smile, turning on the car.

Rapunzel sat in the passengers seat biting her bottom lip. She wore her favorite cocktail dress and her hair was down in soft blonde curls. He had been wanting to get her home all night but the were there to support Hiccup’s award. The car started but Rapunzel never answered him. He turned to her with a look of concern, she had been all friendly and talkative not a moment ago inside. Maybe she wanted to stay?

"Punz? You okay?" His hand went to her knee and she turned to him. Her eyes went to his lips and he knew what was coming next. Her hand grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a toe curling kiss. He relaxed as they explored each others hot caverns, her seat belt clicked and suddenly he felt the chair being moved back and a weight on his lap.

His blue eyes opened and there she was straddling him with a smile on her lips, “Hi.” she said softly with an innocent giggle. jack blinked and placed his hands on her hips.

"Here?" he asked, a blush rose to his pale cheeks. He knew that she was adventurous with their escapades and it was something he loved about her. Unlike most girls she didnt care about the where or when, if she was turned on it meant that it could happen at any time. of course it was odd that sometimes he had to tell her they had to wait till they got somewhere more private. He told Hiccup and the boy just told him to count his blessings.

"Don’t you want to, Jack?" she asked with a smile, running her hand through his mess of white hair. He leaned forward and kissed her jaw softly,

"Of course, I do but in the car outside of a hall…"

Rapunzel leaned back, hands on his cheeks as she looked into her eyes. Those green eyes were almost desperate, yearning. He had never seen her look like this before, as if it were more than fun, it was a need. His blood ran hot and pooled to his groin.

"Please, I need you." she said softly.

He couldn’t deny her, not when she looked like that at him. He never felt more wanted or special before and he could only smash his lips against hers. She tasted of the expensive wine from inside, her mouth moved against his own, tongues dancing together in a tango as old as time yet she made it all feel brand new.

He hadn’t even realized she had reached to the side of the drivers seat and pulled the lever of the chair so that it fell all the way back, taking them with it. He let out a gasp against her mouth, his hands grabbed her backside in surprise as if to hold onto something as the world moved without his consent.

 The blonde pulled away from the kiss and smirked down at him while he gave her a fake glare.

"Not cool." he mumbled. She giggled and shrugged,

"I wanted to try something." she replied.

He watched as she sat up, her hands went to the roof of the car to balance her as she turned around, straddling him backwards on the almost flat car seat. He raised an eyebrow at her, watching as she pulled her long blonde hair over her shoulder neatly before moving her knees back in an odd backwards crawl.

The moment he helped her knees reach his shoulders, he understood exactly what she was doing. As his pants were loosened, he groaned as her hot breath on the most intimate part of him. She giggled at his sounds, pulling down the band of his boxer to let him spring forward. She took him into her hand, kissing him from the base of his shaft to the tip of the rosy head. There was a pause before the head of him was engulfed in her hot mouth, lubricating her way back up and down with each bob of her blonde head.

Jack bit his lip from making noises, eyes opened and saw the flash of pink lace between his girlfriends thighs, her cocktail dress had rose up with the spread of her legs. The man wasted no time yanking her cocktail dress further up around her waist, his hands slid up her thighs to her pink thong. He couldn’t slide them off her with her knees by his shoulders, instead he hooked the small swatch of lace with on finger and moved it aside. Pink wet folds awaited his lips just as she took all of him into her mouth.

To keep from moaning out loud and for his own desires, he pushed her hips toward him while lifting his mouth to her. Her moaned vibrated around him as his tongue slid inside her, his other hand went around her to glide over the bundle of nerves that begged for his attention. The thought of being seen was long gone from his mind, all he could think about was the taste of her and the jolts of pleasure with every suck and vibration of her mouth on his cock.

“Fuck Punz…” he cursed against her heat, trying to focus on her while she worked him.

There was no focusing, no rules, the windows of his car began to fog up, both of them teetering of on the edge as their bodies worked the other into a frenzy. No one bothered to look out to the parked cars even when the blue Honda had started to rock back and forth as the blonde rode him into oblivion.


The third hint was what had him asking questions.


Jack paced his living room, cell phone in his hand as he did so. His bare feet slapped against the carpeted floor, he wore only the sleeping pants he had slipped into after he left his bed. He kept as quiet as possible, hoping not to wake his sleeping girlfriend in his bedroom. He had a feeling that Rapunzel was a bit different most girls, he didn’t know very many girls who would want sex more than once a day. He didn’t think much of it at first but then he started noticing the moments she would get horny. It wasn’t just when they were at home and alone. It mostly happened when they were out and about, at dinners or parties, she would suddenly be ready for him.

He thought he was crazy until tonight. Tonight they had gone out with Hiccup and Merida to a Valentines Day party that was being held by their mutual friend Anna. Everything seemed fine, Rapunzel seemed to be having a good time. It didn’t get weird until they came back home. She seemed to lose her smile and deep in thought. He had seen that look a couple times now, but remembered it the most from the night in the car outside of Hiccup’s business party.

Jack asked her what was wrong and before he knew it, she was unbuttoning his shirt.

“Hey, Punz, come on, are you okay?” he asked, stopping her fingers from continuing down his buttons. Her green eyes lifted to his and that look of desperation was there again. His brow furrowed and his hands let go of hers to caress her cheek softly, “Rapunzel whats wrong?”

“Nothing, I just need you.” She said softly, her hands went to his pants and he had to stop her again. He didn’t get it. Her hands and words didn’t match her eyes or her mood.

“Punz, stop. Don’t change the subject—”

“Im not changing the subject.” She said, her brow furrowed as well and she looked almost angry, “I just—I want to have sex.”

“We’re not going to have sex until you tell me whats wrong.” Jack demanded, holding her hands captive in his own. There was a moment as her cheeks began to redden and her eyes became glassy. The mans eyes widened at her tears and let go of her hands to pull her into a hug. She held him tightly as she cried into his shirt.

Jack had taken her back to his bedroom and laid down with her, letting her get it all out. When she finally stopped crying, despite his better judgment, they had made love. He knew that something was wrong, something was off and she wasn’t telling him. Was she going through something? Was it him? Did she think that their relationship was based off sex? The white haired man hit his cell phone to his head and took a deep breath. He needed answers. He slid open his phone and dialed the number of the one person who would know, the woman who got them together in the first place.


“Hey Anna, its Jack.”

“Oh hey! Glad you guys got home safe. Thank you for coming by the way.”

“Yeah thanks for inviting us. But I was calling to ask you something.”

“Oh, okay, go ahead.”

“Rapunzel, she seemed sad when we came home. This isn’t the first time either. And every time we go out in public, she always wants to, you know.” Jack paced the floor, checking down the hall to make sure Rapunzel was still asleep.

“That’s totally normal for her condition. As long as she’s happy and keeping healthy—”

“Wait, her condition?” Jack said, eyes wide. There was a silence over the phone.

“She..she didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” he asked.

“She’s…she’s a diagnosed sex addict, a nymphomaniac.”

Jack felt his stomach drop as he replayed those words in his head. Images of his girlfriend having sex with other men flashed through his head. A nervous laugh bubbled up from his chest, an uncontrolled laugh that he couldn’t stop. She had to be joking, there wasn’t really such a sickness.

“Jack, I’m not joking. I met her three years ago when Elsa was working at that therapy facility. She was super sweet and we got to talking. We became great friends and she had finally told me why she was there. Rapunzel is a functioning sex addict, its all psychological. I thought…I thought after how long you’ve been together that she already told you.”

Jack sat down on the couch, taking in the information. His girlfriend was a nymphomaniac.

She was a sex addict. God it was so obvious now. All the times she wanted him, all the times when they were out in public, she wasn’t just an adventurous girl; she was getting her fix. He was just an outlet, a cigarette for the chain smoker, a shot of whiskey for the alcoholic. He was so stupid.

“Jack? Jack are you there? Please don’t do anything you’re going to regret. She still the same person, shes just been through some hard times! I know she—”

“Goodbye Anna.”


Jack stood and slowly made his way back down the hall to his bedroom. He felt like turning around and just leaving but he couldn’t do that without knowing. He opened the door of his bedroom, light flooded through from the hallway and shined onto the bed. Instead of his blonde beauty sleeping, she was sitting up with the blue sheets hiding her nakedness, her knees bent and brought up to her chest. Her green eyes met his and he watched her face fall a bit. He let the door close behind him before backing up to lean against it in the dark. The moonlight shone through his window illuminated both of them enough.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked softly, crossing his arms as if to protect himself from her words. In response the woman held herself tighter.

“I thought you would break up with me.”

Jack ran a hand through his hair. He would’ve. If she told him this four months ago he would’ve broken up with her and cut his losses. But now it hurt, god it hurt. He loved her now and all he wanted to do was for her to just tell him that it was some sort of practical joke.

“How many others?”

Rapunzel looked up from her knees, brow furrowed in confusion.


Jack pushed himself from off the door, unable to stop the need to move around. He was not a patient man and he just wanted to know so he could just run. He needed to rip off the band aid, let all the hurt in so that he could try and get over it. The man met her eyes, blue eyes intense.

“How many other guys have you been with since we started dating?” he asked through gritted teeth.

Her eyes went wide and she moved to her knees, holding up the sheet to cover herself but to meet his eyes dead on rather than being looked down at.

“What are you talking about? I haven’t been with any other guys since we started dating!”

“Please, save it.”

“Jack, I’m serious.”

“You’re a nymphomaniac! What do you do when I’m not around? You’re a sex addict, you need your fix and it’s not like we live together so how many others has there been?”  His voice rose with the pain in his chest, mind flashing images of Rapunzel’s secret escapades.

Rapunzel’s mouth hung open, her eyes wide. She was stunned to silence but his blue eyes bore into hers in the darkness of the room. Her chest constricted and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from crying again.

“I’m going home.” She climbed off the bed, taking the sheet with her and began to pick up her dress off the floor as well as her underwear and bra.

“God I knew it.” He whispered, turning a heel and heading toward the door. The only thing that stopped him was the thud of a piece of clothing hitting the back of his head. He turned around and looked at the still sheet clothed girl, her bra lay out of his feet.

“You don’t know anything!” she yelled at him, her green eyes a light with fury, her cheeks taking on a red hue in her anger.

“Then why don’t you tell me!” he yelled back, knowing that he must look the same.

“I haven’t had sex with anyone but you! I’m not…I’m not some animal who just throws herself at every man for a ‘fix’! Every man I’ve ever had sex with I have dated! I would never cheat on you!” she cried, her hands gripped the sheet around her.

“Why? That doesn’t even make sense! If you need sex then—”

“My mother would have sex in front of me.” She said suddenly.

The room went silent.

Jack stared at her, searching her face for any kind of deception but he found none. His anger ebbed away and all he wanted to do was hold her, a million questions popped into his head but he didn’t say a word. Neither moved nor spoke for a moment as that sentence sunk into his very being.

“My adoptive mother would always have different men over, always with someone new. It would always end the same: she would cry when they left her and break down. She would say that men got tired of her and would leave for someone else.” She explained, her hands rang the sheet as she did so, her eyes watching her small toes that poked out from the bottom of the blue cloth.

“My therapist said that’s why I have the need to validate myself with sex. My mother brought me up with the idea that feeling loved only came with sex and when…when we would go out that feeling of inadequacy always came back and I…” she trailed off, dipping her head down as if to hide from him.

“That’s why you wanted to have sex after we’ve gone out. You felt inadequate compared to other women and sex made you feel loved.” He said softly, his blue eyes softened in compassion as she looked up at him with such sadness and self loathing; it made his heart hurt for her.

He walked to her swiftly, taking her into his arms in a tight hug. She hugged back just as fiercely.

“I would never cheat on you, Jack. I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.” She whispered into his bare chest. He rocked her back and forth, his face buried in her hair.

“Because you don’t want to be your mother.” He whispered back to her.

She shook her head in response.

Jack walked them back to the bed and pulled her down onto the mattress with him without letting her go. He took deep breathes of her floral scent, reminding himself that she was still Rapunzel. Even under the bad memories and problems, she was still the kind hearted woman he first met.

“I love you, Rapunzel.” He said to her, “I don’t need sex to remind me how much I love you. I just need you next to me.”

She pulled away to look up at him, green eyes searched his blue ones.

“But what if you get tired of me? Or when someone better comes—”

His lips found hers, silencing her words before she could finish that awful sentence. Her eyes closed and she kissed him back with everything she could muster though she was emotionally drained for the night. He kissed her like she was made of the most expensive china, like she was precious and had to be handled with care. He wanted to make her feel loved without him having to be inside her, she should always feel loved when he was with her. He gently pulled away and began to place soft kisses on her cheek and nose, her eyes and her forehead.

“I will never get tired of you and no one is comes close to you in my eyes. Even if you cut me off for life, I’ll still love you.” He whispered to her. Both their hearts beat fast and she gave him the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. Her eyes shined with what looked like happy tears before she wrapped her arms around his neck, putting her forehead against hers.

He smiled at her as she bit her lip.

“And my condition?”

“We’ll work through it.” He said softly.

There was a resting silence as they simply enjoyed each other’s presence.

“Hey Jack?” she whispered softly, eyes still closed in the darkness of the bedroom.

“Yeah?” he whispered back.

“Are we still allowed to have sex?”

Jack chuckled, “Yeah. But its making love.”

“Oh.” She whispered, “Hey Jack?”


“Can we make love now?”

Jack grinned and flipped her onto her back as she giggled, “I thought you’d never ask.”


pen pals with benefits

  • me making decisions in video games: *thoroughly researches consequences, reads multiple walkthroughs, explores every other course of action in detail*
  • me making decisions in real life: well what's the worse that could happen
  • e-zekiel:

    cute story: I have a friend with a prosthetic arm, and he once confided in me that, after seeing this movie, he’s always wanted someone to ask him for this. Then, the one day, I was at the grocery store with him and a couple other people, and one of our friends couldn’t reach a box on the shelf and asked him, “Dude gimme a hand here”. And, I swear to christ he practiced this because the speed at which he slipped off his prosthesis was blinding, and then he hurled his arm at her. He, unfortunately, got a tad overexcited, and instead of it just landing near her, it spun out and essentially bitchslapped her in mid-air.
    Now we say it all the time around him, and he blames Disney for the fact that he has no girlfriend.


    my first post looked gross thats why im remaking it lmao sorry. but anyway

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    how would you even start sex like kiss kiss oh ok look im inside you


    u know when u really like someone and literally every little thing they do is cute and no matter what face they make they always look perfect to you




    This hilarious mom is selling her daughter’s one direction tickets on eBay to teach her a lesson.

    Mother of the year.




    see if u can unscramble this sentence: go aawy



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